The camera is finally behaving. First the yarn from Stash and Burn:
Isn't it pretty? Again, I haven't begun to think about what it shall become. I'm so swamped with school right now, I haven't even been able to pick up current projects.
Pictures from yesterday's presentation at the history department of my school. Yes, I'm wearing my vest! My professors were very impressed with my work. One suggested that I work on the paper a little bit more to submit it over to the Michigan Historical Review for a student papers contest. If I get accepted, not only would my paper get published but also I'll win $1000, and what girl does not want that? Another professor told me in private that I started something very exciting and if I worked on it even more it could become a book in 3-4 years. I thought that would be pretty cool to be a published author some day, but that would mean that I would have to work even harder than usual because the book would all be dependent on my ability to stay focused on getting it done. I'm not saying that I'm going to be turning my research paper into a book someday, but the idea of becoming a history professor did come to mind.
My boyfriend (who took these pictures) expressed to me something that I would like to share with you guys. Lately I've been wanting to return back to Brazil to teach English for a couple months. There is an Adventist University down there and seeing that they do have programs for people that want to be English translators, I figured I could be a teacher's aid there, and I could finally learn a language that I love, Portuguese. Unfortunately, this is one of many ideas (possibly 10) that have come to mind concerning my life after I graduate in May. I keep changing my mind and this frustrates my sweetie because he (as well as I) wants to be apart of my life and wants to have a sure plan that we stay together. He told me something that described my condition to a T.
He said: "You don't believe that you will be sucessful in a career so you're trying to delay actually working as long as possible so you don't have to make a decision. But if you continue doing more school, by the time you get out you will be over-qualified with no experience."
After thinking about it for a couple minutes, I finally agreed with him. I have terrible self-esteem issues, in other words. I'm constantly doubting my abilities and am very critical of my skills and achievements. I guess I saw it as having an attitude of always bettering myself, but maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Understanding what my boyfriend told me does not mean that I don't want to go to Brazil any less. I'm only 22 guys! I don't have any children nor am I married and if I wanted to do something as crazy as go to Brazil to teach English, then now is the time to do so. Afterward, not only would I most likely have a better career plan, but my obssession with Brazil and Portuguese would be satisfied and I could do something else with my life.
I guess another reason why I'm so indecisive about my future career goals is because since the 10th grade, I've been moving around the globe. In the 10th grade I started attending boarding school and I haven't lived at home ever since. I was always living at school or traveling abroad. And unfortunately, the older I have gotten, the less I go home, which sucks because I love my family and wish I could see them more often. In addition to this, being a nomad is fun for the most part, but it doesn't allow you to have strong connections with many people. You end up loosing your old friends to new ones and at a turnover rate of a year, that doesn't look too good on my resume.
It is for this reason that I have signed up for counseling at my school's career and counseling center. I know that I could get through my low self-esteem issues with a little professonal help. Hopefully after Brazil, I will be less indecisive and more focused on staying in one career field for more than 1 year (like I've been doing for the past 8 years of my life).