Thursday, September 07, 2006

A Sad Realization


These first 2 weeks of school have been very hectic for me. Mainly because I like to make things seem worse than they really are. After writing everything that I needed to get done on paper and working out my schedule in my head yesterday, I realized that I would have enough time to do everything I needed to do and not much time to do anything that I wanted to do, including knitting (yeah, I was crying too!).

This past Monday I signed up to work for my student newspaper. I attend a Seventh-day Adventist school (Christian) so they have a religious section of the newspaper and the editor wanted me to be in charge of it. I agreed to it. Though I have to admit that I’m not a very religious person, I had a lot of ideas to write about concerning religion and I figured that the job wouldn’t be too hard. Plus getting paid was a nice bonus (extra cash baby!). Then Tuesday came along and everything changed. On Tuesday I had to drop a class I didn't need and ended up picking up another 400 level history course. The class is not difficult at all. In fact it's pretty simple. We read almost 30 pages every 2 days, discuss what we’ve read in class and turn in some papers from time to time. Seeing that I already missed 4 classes for not being there last week, I have over 150 pages to read to catch up with the rest of the class. I like reading history so this should be fun. Unfortunately I'm going to have to drop the newspaper job if I plan on doing well in school.

So I feel somewhat guilty for agreeing to a position on Monday that I can't do anymore. I know how the editor will feel when I tell him the bad news. I was an editor twice in my life (once in high school for a print newspaper and once in college for a website). I know how it feels to depend on someone to do something for you and they drop out on you, not caring about the outcome.

My problem is that I think I'm superwoman. I think that could do everything that I want to do in a day. I told myself that I could work on the newspaper on Mondays, do my research on the weekends, get my homework done on in the morning, go to work at night, hang out with my friends, call my family up and still have time to knit and blog about it. Lately, however, its been getting really busy at the job and now we’re getting out at midnight or 12:30 am instead of 11:30 pm. This means that my sleep and eating schedule will be thrown off and life will become more hectic for me.

It was yesterday that my perception of myself being superwoman died. The dark cloud of reality slowly came over me and I realized that I work now. My school is way more important to me than ever before and now that I take care of myself, I can't be playing around.

So today I'm going to my editor's office and tell him the truth. That way I'll have more time for school, work, and of course knitting and this blog.

I'm not looking for sympathy today. I just like writing my thoughts down so that they are more organized in my head and I could sort them out easier.

1 comment:

meg said...

i've been there. i just finished school in may and i was working full time and training for a triathlon and had just picked up knitting in january. now that it's all over i have to admit i miss it.

you'll get through it. making time for knitting is hugely important. after all it's really meditation that helps us work through everything else.